Here’s everything that’s logically wrong with Jumanji that we choose to ignore

With the sequel titled Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle coming out this year, we can't help but recall everything that was amiss in the original Jumanji.

By: Fukres |
March 29, 2017 7:47 pm

The 1995 adventure movie Jumanji has been an inseparable part of our childhood. The CGI animals may seem horrible to us now but they were all that stirred us back in the day. So, it is pretty exciting to hear that as a tribute to Robin Williams, Jumanji 2 will be coming out this year. The sequel titled Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle will be starring Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Karen Gillan, and Nick Jonas.

Unlike the original film, where the characters’ lives were made hell by a diabolical board game, the sequel will be about a video game which sucks its players into its virtual universe. The sequel will be released on December 22 as a tribute to Robin Williams, who played Alan in the original movie. But, as much respect as the late actor deserves, Jumanji was quite the opposite of a masterpiece of the 90s. For starters, the film is brimming with flaws.

(L-R) Kevin Hart, Dwayne Johnson, Karen Gillan and Jack Black in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

Jumanji begins with Alan stumbling upon the board game which he starts to play with his friend Sarah. Through some cryptic magic, Alan gets trapped inside the game until someone rolls a five or eight. Now, Alan may be trapped by Sarah is still alive and well, free to roll a five or an eight. And in the entirety of 26 years, she or anyone else in the family (assuming a shaken up child who lost her friend would tell about the game’s silly dice thing) thought to roll the dice.

Let’s accept for a second that Sarah and everyone else is an idiot. Consequently, Alan was stuck inside some limbo jungle for 26 years. That’s 9490 days. Given that Alan spent all that time, wherever it is that he did, he was pretty sane. Forget 26 years, anyone would start to act a little demented in 26 days if they were stuck inside that game.

But, oh, there’s more. A slightly unhinged Alan, who has never had any experience being an adult male, knows how to clean up good; really good. Who taught him how to trim his hair and shave a beard? Guess we’ll never know.

Regardless, when two kids do stumble upon the game, they make this one seemingly usual mistake- NOBODY FINISHES THE GAME QUICKLY! Once they roll a dice, the players just stand back, waiting for whatever dark spirit to pull some crazy shit. Why don’t they just keep playing and let whatever has to happen, happen?

Another unsaid rule about the game is- you must always be in the Parrish house. The gang always ALWAYS has to play the game inside the house where it started it all when they could literally play it anywhere else. Wanna play it on the toilet? Go ahead. Wanna play it at the Church? Sure! Wanna play it in freaking space? Who the hell is stopping you? Screenplay writers, apparently.

In spite of such ginormous flaws, the film has given us a sense of nostalgic bliss and no matter what, we hope the writers of Jumanji 2 have more sense than to not mess up the sequel.