Dear ex-girlfriend, this is the last Valentine’s Day I remember you

Dear Spawn of Satan,

I know you hated it when I called you a c**t but, I just don’t know what else to call you. I don’t know if you’re still alive but I don’t see a suicide note with my name on it so, I’m guessing that you are. Remember that fight? Of course, you do. Good times… I just wanted to let you know that I am not sitting here with my fingers crossed hoping you’re hanging from a noose because, honey, neither is that me, nor is that your style. But I am so very glad that I destroyed you, for you did the same to me.

I said we were incompatible but, you… always the optimist. You promised me we could work it out. Look what happened. We both ended up being more damaged than ever. Even after months of staying away from you, the only thing that makes me happy in my life is that you’re not in it. You drained me of any and all happiness and left me lifeless. Now that I think about the start, I realise I should never have put my faith in you. I trusted your words when you said you will be fine. I trusted them when you said you needed space so I gave it to you. Little did I know that “Leave me the fuck alone. I hate you. Get the fuck out of my life,” loosely translates to, “I need you.” Well then, of course, it makes sense that you would misconstrue me obliging to your demands as an act of apathy. I’m sorry my self-respect got in the way. Let me just leave that outside, shall I? I wasn’t aware you couldn’t have that as per clause 279 of the relationship agreement.

Just FYI, every time I allowed you to pick yourself up, I stood aside not because I didn’t give two shits. I wanted you to learn how to as no one else taught you. But you would never listen to anyone over your Trinity of Bitches, would you? They were your poison.

You became dead weight so I decided to let you go as I had no intention of drowning with you. As I told you before, real life ain’t Bollywood. Nobody in their right mind is going to stick with their “tabaahi“(destruction). Oh, but you were a feisty one. Telling me of your age-old plans to dump me? Bravo! Nice saving your self-esteem there.

For future reference, if you date anyone else, don’t be afraid to open up to them. I don’t want some poor, innocent soul to go through what I did. You never truly expressed yourself to me after you dug everything out of me. To top it off, it ticked you off when I didn’t know you! How could I when you wouldn’t let me? The only time I could catch an honest glimpse of you was when you were yelling. And let me tell you, you had the level of maturity no greater than a freaking teacup. And the saddest part is, after I bared my heart to you, you still failed to see me.

You said you needed to hear things straight but that was a load of bull. You didn’t even comply with it yourself. You would say “I love you,” but those were just words I could hear. I didn’t know what to do with them because I knew you were deluded. And you never understood what that did to me. You made me lose focus. You were the noise in my life. You were toxic and we were a motherfucking disaster.

Now, quoting you with the same emotion that you did- “I’m not angry with you.” I nothing you because I know I could have done no more and I have zero regrets. Anyway, thank you for giving me the privilege to familiarise myself with heartless, psychotic twats. It truly gave me the clarity I needed to better myself.

Yours truly,

Read the by-line!

PS Fire your psychiatrist.

PPS Your BFF is a better kisser than you.