All of us know that Bollywood has given us some pretty unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex, err sorry we mean love making. The perfectly tucked bed-sheets, the makeup, and hair that never goes haywire and rose petals that just mysteriously appear out of nowhere. If you’ve had any luck in the bow-chicka-wow-wow department (read: sex) you probably know that sex is messy, sweaty and the bed-sheets are probably going to be under the bed by the time you’re done.
Sex is not as picture perfect as shown in movies (damn you, Emraan Hashmi). Not just movies, porn paints a pretty rosy picture too (but let’s not go there for now). Here all the things that are hilariously different from what you see in movies:
Sexy stares? More like awkward glares and bouts of laughter.
Remember Shah Rukh Khan gently caressing Rani Mukherjee’s cheeks in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna and then proceeding to look into her eyes for 39293 hours before ‘doing it’? Yeah, in real life, it’s pretty awkward. Imagine being in bed and your partner keeps staring at you till hell takes over. And if you’re a little comfortable with them, you’d die laughing if they gave you those intense, brooding looks.
It’s not that aesthetic
Yes yes, sex is beautiful and all that but what movies show you is perfect camera angles and pretty postures. Sex can be awkward with all the posting swaps and super awkward small talk.
Shower sex? One word: NO
Bollywood loves making out under showers and waterfalls and in pools. Get one thing straight: It’s messy, water goes into your eyes (and all the other possible holes and crevices) and if you slip and fall, you’re probably not having sex for the entire week.
Sex = saccha pyaar
What has Bolywood taught us, kids? If boy and girl make love, boy and girl will fall in love and get married. IRL, hook ups happen. Sex doesn’t necessarily involve emotions or love. Don’t go running to your mom when they guy/girl doesn’t call you back, okay?
Perfect bodies
No, your partner will not look like Hrithik Roshan. Or Sunny Leone. There will be a flab. Be warned.
What’s up with the perfect ambiance?
Unless everything is pre-planned and you’ve booked a room in a 5-star hotel, the ambiance wouldn’t be as cozy and romantic as shown on the silver screen. There will be an awkward silence, you’ll try to crank up the romance by playing an Arijit Singh track, but whilst you’re at it the song will end and what is mobile number will start playing. Also, your roommate will be louder than usual.
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