Many of us like to be Instagram-perfect with #PerfectBodyGoals, #EyebrowsOnFleek with the world at our feet (metaphorically speaking). We feel like a stunner straight out of runway as you are ushered with compliments throughout, and you think this is the best day of your life but wait until you enter the door that reads ‘Beauty Parlour/Salon’.
A beauty parlour is like a Bermuda Triangle that sucks all the self-love you have for yourself, leaving you weary, red-patched, and with major anxiety issues about your hair, skin, nails, eyebrows, and probably your life. And this head of chaos is your oh-not-so-lovely ‘Parlour Wali Aunty’.
I would not be exaggerating if I said that the society isn’t the boss of me, but my parlour wali aunty sure is. Here we bring you statements from your Parlour aunty that may have swamped even the tiny bit of confidence you have:
1) “Kitna Tan Hoke Aaye Ho”
If you are back from the lovely beaches or vacation in a sunny side of the world and got a wonderful tan, beware, do not visit your parlour wali aunty because the first question posed to you would not be ‘Aur kaise ho?’ but ‘Kitna tan hoke aye ho!!”.
When the world is fighting racism and shunning fairness creams, your parlour wali aunty is busy spreading gyaan on how to lighten the colour of your elbows.
For the love of God, stop it, aunty _/\_
2) “Arrey, Moti Hi Toh Banayi Hai”
For the first time in your life, you have paid good attention to your eyebrows. Applied mixture of castor and olive oil, Googled hacks and remedies to get the perfect bushy flawless eyebrows. Finally when you go to the parlour wali aunty and ask her to shape it with a disclaimer “Please, patli mat karna” and she assures you BUT…
Aunty gotta do what she gotta do!! #NoEyeBrowsOnFleekForYou
3) “Split ends Hi Hatayein Hain”
Once again, you have instructed her to just give your hair a little trim. Again, she assures you and even shows you the measure with her pointed fingers but it’s better if you remember that trimming a is synonym for bob cut.
4) “Aap Shave Karte Ho?”
Shaving is one word that all the parlour aunties unanimously hate. It’s like naming Lord Voldemort at Hogwarts. How dare you succumb to shaving when you could have come to the parlour and spent one whole miserable hour getting your hair ripped out brutally while also being told you are too hairy/not hairy/skin’s too dry/skin’s too oily.
Yes, Aunty. We shave. Yes, we have unruly hard hair. But that is exactly why we have come to you!
5) “Yeh Jo Look Apko Di Hai Na Yeh Ekdum Nayi Hai Market Mein”
That look is basically “I-have-applied-everything-on-your-face-I-had” even though ‘You-asked-for-a-basic-minimal-look’.
Finally, there are shutterbugs asking you to pose giving different shots and you let them have their moment of glory because you are thinking of never coming back again. #OkBye
Can you relate to parlour aunty jibes? Tell us in the comments section below.
