Live-in relationships have been around for a long time and are more common than you think. Now that the millennials are becoming more accepting of the idea of live-in relationships and experimentation before tying the knot, there has been a surge in live-in relationships in most metropolitan cities of India. However, most in small towns and cities of India still remains quite opposed to the idea. Co-habitation before marriage, although legal, is still considered ‘immoral’ and ‘socially unacceptable’.
Even if you want to take the plunge be ready to face a lot of road blockers on the way. First, there are Indian parents who are not okay with their child living with someone before marriage and even if you somehow manage to convince your parents, the biggest roadblock is Indian society.
Be ready to get “those looks” from the many landlords you meet, the “Bro! winks” from your friends, and “we-always-knew-you-were-sinful” by your relatives.
And before you make the leap, it’s always best to take experts opinions. And this is exactly what one mindful Quora user did who asked: “What is it to be like in a live-in relationship in India?”
And there were many to come forward and share their wisdom. Speaking about the problem faced, most of them said they pretended to be engaged or married to be able to live peacefully in a “decent neighbourhood”.
You can never live in with your bf/gf with the consent of society or even your parents. They won’t support you and thus, you would end up with lies and lies. The landlord, the parents, the neighbours, the maid – You would like to everyone and trust me, some day even you would start believing to that lie because it would be too much to live a life full of lies and pretending.
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Even sharing with parents become really tough!
Her parents still don’t know and would be mortified if told, anytime from here to eternity. My parents knew but didn’t endorse it. They refused to visit. And mom and dad would never ever share this piece of information with any of our relatives. That their first born lived-in with the woman who later became his wife is a major secret.
Live-in relationships are assumed to be just about sex:
Every time someone hears these words (Live-in relationship), they imagine monkey sex every time couple hit their room but living with your partner is much more than that.
But there’s so much more to that…
Once you start living with your boyfriend, you have more than just physical intimacy, there are nights when you wake up in his arms and then there are nights when he is scrolling down his emails. Some afternoons you go out on romantic brunches and in some, you watch movies on the bed. Being with your boyfriend all the time is extremely draining because after a certain point you cannot ask “What’s up?” anymore.
The real talk about cohabitation:
The very idea of living with boyfriend sounds romantic, but it puts so many restrictions on you and brings power to you at the same time. It triggers expectations of having a future with him and when that scale doesn’t match it leads to a lot of heated arguments and tears. Some nights you will wake up to him coding and it will be hard to make him go back to sleep. He cannot perform all the time; you cannot be in the mood all the time. Sometimes you ask questions you are not supposed to and there are some nights when you spend hours deciding what you will eat and last but not the least, sometimes, you will have to share your last piece of cake with them and you cannot help it.
And speaking of the Indian Law:
A live-in doesn’t provide you with the same legal security that comes handy with a marriage agreement. Apparently the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 recognizes “a relationship in the nature of marriage” and protects female partners from domestic violence. Such partners can claim monetary and other reliefs under the Act. This obviously isn’t possible if you opt for a live-in relationship.
Biggest take-away from “live-in relationships”
Being in a live-in relationship means you get to know the good, bad and ugly things about each other. It is not always a bed of roses and when life happens around you, it has its share of glorious peaks and terrible nadirs caused by either of the people involved or the world around them. Surviving through them without having marriage as a crutch to be predisposed towards making compromises for each other and the ability to break up and move away from one another without the same level of social repercussions a marriage brings, lets you really understand each other and ensures stellar compatibility if and when you decide to get married.
Incentives be like…
- Coming back home after a long day and finding out that she had cooked something for you.
- Waking her up with breakfast and a cup of coffee on a Sunday and being dragged into bed again and finally eating the same breakfast cold after an hour.
- Curling up to watch a movie or a show.
- Midnight Ice cream and taco bell runs
- Date nights with 10 min notice
- Decorating a Christmas tree or scaring kids on halloween
- A random hug or a massage
- Working at 2 AM and suddenly finding a cup of hot chocolate next to you
- Even shopping at a grocery store or Ikea.
- Being pampered when you fall ill
- Constant moral support when you are going through a rough patch or a crazy schedule in your life outside the relationship
Need say more? Do tell us your thoughts on live-in relationships in the comments section below.
